Thinking out Loud!!
Each time, I get told by my Mumma that in everything I do, I have to be totally submissive especially in relationships. I have to know how to be 100% submissive but yet still hold on to my valuables. I have to allow my husband/boyfriend be the head even though I am the neck that makes him turn. I have to open my heart and hands to change while still holding on tight to my valuables. I have to accustom myself to the back seat.
Honestly, all that isn't a problem and I guess with time, I'll be the master of my game, but what I really don't understand is that I also have to put myself out there and be vulnerable.
Being vulnerable, according to my dictionary means:
- Capable of being physically or mentally hurt
- Open to criticism or censure
- Open to attack or damage.
Now, this is a major problem, I mean I believe I am a strong minded girl who hardly cries or put myself in situations that will end in tears, and even when I do have to cry, I do it under the bed preferrably with my eyes closed cause I can't afford to appear vulnerable to my friends or even family. I find it so hard to get hurt physically or mentally or even sit around and admit I am hurt.
I swear, it's not pride or anything like that. Growing up, I got punished for showing an iota or signs of weakness or any form of vulnerability. This was one thing that got under my father's skin and frustrated the hell out of him. He made it seem like, the minute you show a sign of vulnerability, the whole world will take advantage of you there and then.
But now, part of the things I have to do in order to have a successful relationship is to allow myself to be capable of being hurt physically/mentally, allow myself to be open to criticism/censure, allow myself to be open to attack or damage.
As the person I am, how can I be vulneranble without acting? Can't I just be submissive? Do I really have to be vulnerable?? I swear it's not easy.
posted by 1511th | 11:04 AM
8 Comments:
Hey Kunle
Welcome back.... I was beginning to think you'd given up on blogging. I agree with Belle, you do have to pick your partner wisely and allow yourself to TRUST him, if you trust him, it will be easier to be vulnerable. Falling in love, being in love is a relationship is all a risk. But it's a risk for him to - how does he know you aren't going to break his heart? It works both ways
I think there are types of submissiveness - you wouldnt want to be submissive to abuse, or insult or maltreatment. But in regards to relationships i think women have to "appear" submissive in other areas to maintain the relationship and allow their men maintain their pride. but girl we all know who's really the boss :)
I think when u find the right person...being vunerable n submissive in d RIGHT manner comes naturally...u will find urself changing n wanting 2 b this way...me sha I love crying...lol its my choice of weapon against my guy...I dont do it as much cos then, he will take me for granted...coming from someone who friends used 2 call "stone-hearted" or someone who "acts like a guy" (still get that one)...u will b alright!
I guess I am just scared, I mean the word vulnerable is really scary and hopefully when i do fall in love, I shouldn't even notice I am doing it, fingers crossed. Thanks alot for your advice dears..
@Dilch, girl I am still in bloggville oh, I have just been carried away lately, literally
honey, my parents seperated when i was 11 and we all grew up with my mum, cos we (u and i) didn't have 2 parents raising us didnt make our homes "broken", that expression is just so negative...
being raised in a single parent home tends to make u a very strong person especially for women.
So we really need to turn to God to teach us submissiveness and what kind of love we should be looking for, u are going along the right path by even recognizing what u need to do to have a good relationship.
Wwhen you get a chance, get this book called "the four loves" or "the four kinds of love" by CS lewis, its a good one. We need to learn that the "hugging ur pillow, listening to boyz 2 men, cant east cant sleep" kind of love is not what God has intended for us and ur partners. Its the agape , endearing kind of love and once we learn that , it can only be smooh sailing.
I am one of those who's been told I am "heartless", "like a guy", etc
You need to see me with this guy I am so into... it is ridiculous. I cook for him without him asking, I am so submissive that when I have a minute, I try to look at myself and what I see I do not like, but that's just the way it is.
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Happy Easter :-)
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