Change! Change!! Change!!!
Change is the only thing permanent but yet I never seem to adapt my mind to it or even get ready for it both mentally and physically. Clock went forward on Sunday and I have been complaining about how quick the time is flying by, waking up at my usual time yet still feeling really tired etc. So Spring is finally here , though the April showers are here before April itself.
Growing up, my Mumma warned me and told me alot of stories about friends changing due to new changes in their lives, for example a new man that's swept them off their feet and they are totally in love with, then they tend to forget about other things and people around them, a new job, then they feel they are ahead of you and all of a sudden can't relate to you again, new man, new friends, oh yeah and a new man etc. To be honest with you, I never assumed I will experience that episode in my life, I hardly have that many close friends and the few I have, I have invested everthing one can think of in it, I've been honest, open and loyal, to make it the best ever and breakup free relationship I'll be in.
Recently, one of my close friend has completely changed due to the fact that she's in a new relationship. Her guy is amazing, he's really nice but MyGirl just seems to have cut everything off and revolve her life around her and her man alone, full stop, like I wouldn't mind if it was just a friend but she's one of my really great friend. Now we hardly talk that much again and even when we do, She feels the need not to tell me anything about herself again or what's going on in her life (so as not to bug me she says).
It's actually getting to me, because this is one of the few friendships I really thought would last forever, I mean we shared everything, we had loads of silent crying sessions where we both knew why we were crying but will cry without saying a word. I was fully unguarded when it came to our friendship, now I feel my 'used-by' date has finally arrived sooner than later. The joke is we used to laugh about people like this.
Am I meant to pull out of our friendship now? Or still hold on to it, afterall we've built a mighty strong foundation? Or could this all just be something I have concocted in my head due to too much time and lack of job?
Growing up, my Mumma warned me and told me alot of stories about friends changing due to new changes in their lives, for example a new man that's swept them off their feet and they are totally in love with, then they tend to forget about other things and people around them, a new job, then they feel they are ahead of you and all of a sudden can't relate to you again, new man, new friends, oh yeah and a new man etc. To be honest with you, I never assumed I will experience that episode in my life, I hardly have that many close friends and the few I have, I have invested everthing one can think of in it, I've been honest, open and loyal, to make it the best ever and breakup free relationship I'll be in.
Recently, one of my close friend has completely changed due to the fact that she's in a new relationship. Her guy is amazing, he's really nice but MyGirl just seems to have cut everything off and revolve her life around her and her man alone, full stop, like I wouldn't mind if it was just a friend but she's one of my really great friend. Now we hardly talk that much again and even when we do, She feels the need not to tell me anything about herself again or what's going on in her life (so as not to bug me she says).
It's actually getting to me, because this is one of the few friendships I really thought would last forever, I mean we shared everything, we had loads of silent crying sessions where we both knew why we were crying but will cry without saying a word. I was fully unguarded when it came to our friendship, now I feel my 'used-by' date has finally arrived sooner than later. The joke is we used to laugh about people like this.
Am I meant to pull out of our friendship now? Or still hold on to it, afterall we've built a mighty strong foundation? Or could this all just be something I have concocted in my head due to too much time and lack of job?
posted by 1511th | 11:35 AM
5 Comments:
Hey
Hang in there, she'll come around. I was like that when I first started dating my man, over a year later, I've come round. It just takes a little time....
Friends come and go all the time, just d cycle of life, if she is really ur friend she will come around...n if not oh well...sucks...but what can one do...
i think she's totally taken up by her new beau. once she gets used to him she'll come round. no worries. cheer up!
Darling Kunle,
Firsly; there are certain arrangements one must make in ones life as one gets older; one of this is a number of pigeon-holes.
Secondly; Your friend hasn't and isn't doing anything wrong.Its just that she amy never have experienced this sort of crecendo with a man, hence she needs to fully experience the highs to be appreciateinve of the lows. In the past, when i've found myself in such a stuation with a friend (I actually going through something similar right now, but its not becaseu of a new man), I withdraw and allow her the space that we both require. If i lover her enough i must understand that she needs the space, and belive that our firendshio is strong enough to overcome that space.
Secondly, i believe she loves you very much. Belive it or not, she's being quite selfless without meaning to shut your out. The fact that she doesn't want to discuss herself/realtionship is perhaps because she's mindful of not boring you or even unknowingly highlighting your your singledom.
And now back to my first point. In life we need friends. We need all types of friends. Good, bad, mediocre, selfish, driven, lively, quiet, challending, mad, impulsive, even disloyal ones... You see, this are all human atributes. We are not and can never be perfect. We are all born with individual idiosyncrasies, and isms...This is why your must have a pigeon hole for every friend.Once you've arranged them into the relative groups, you can relax and begin to enjoy your individual frienddships, based on your acceptance of what they are or how they behave sometimes. You never know who you may need to call at anytime....It may just be that selfish friend is the one that offers you her kidney or is a secret regular blood donor. OR the quiet one is the one that will speak up for you when on-one else did. As long as the fundamentals of a good heart is a certainty,then there's a place for us all.
I alswasy say; Friendships are like liqourice, it takes alsorts!!!
Just be there when she comes back,as this is the only other certainty other that change!!!
Sisi Oge's comment and advice cannot be topped. She said it all and I even learned from it.
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