Lack of Inspiration
Woke up this morning with a deep sense of unaccomplishment. I hate being in this position. The feeling of being stuck in a foreign country where people are speaking in tongues, unable to learn the language so one can't communicate with anyone. Feeling of everyone going somewhere exciting but me. Feeling of everyone becoming something great except me. Feeling of being stagnant, can't go backwards, can't go forward. I try as much as possible each day to be excited for my friends when they talk about their exciting new life or the new things they bought or their exciting love life. Lord knows, I am not a jealous person but because I have so much time on my hand, the devil is trying to put ideas in me. Anyway, the devil is a liar.
I despise self-pity but honestly my life is so meaningless right now. I have nothing to inspire me. Nothing to motivate me. I wake up each morning with absolutely nothing to do. I can't even do charity/voluntary work because I will need money for transportation and I don't have. I am house bound thanks to lack of money.
ButterScotch was online today. He has been coming online alot since friday. Funny thing happened, I was feeling so down on friday mainly cause of him and I said a little prayer to God, imagine about 2hrs later, He came online and please he hasn't been online since last April (I think) and he started to me etc.
This is what I don't understand, I have tried to move on, I have tried to forget about him, I have tried to erase him from my life but everytime I am at a point where I want to explode, God pops into my life and surprises me (little things like this make me believe he's mine and he'll be back... I swear I am a roasto).
I need help.
I despise self-pity but honestly my life is so meaningless right now. I have nothing to inspire me. Nothing to motivate me. I wake up each morning with absolutely nothing to do. I can't even do charity/voluntary work because I will need money for transportation and I don't have. I am house bound thanks to lack of money.
ButterScotch was online today. He has been coming online alot since friday. Funny thing happened, I was feeling so down on friday mainly cause of him and I said a little prayer to God, imagine about 2hrs later, He came online and please he hasn't been online since last April (I think) and he started to me etc.
This is what I don't understand, I have tried to move on, I have tried to forget about him, I have tried to erase him from my life but everytime I am at a point where I want to explode, God pops into my life and surprises me (little things like this make me believe he's mine and he'll be back... I swear I am a roasto).
I need help.
posted by 1511th | 5:50 PM
7 Comments:
Wow, I have got 2 say...this blog entry really hits home...I have gone thru d exact same thing...to the T..and yeah I also contemplated doing some volunteer work too!...here is it girl, all I know is there is a reason for everything...I learned a lot about myself during that time n it not only help build up my faith but also it made me a stronger and better person...the job offer is no doubts on its way n everything always falls into its place...that is God's plan..d only advice I have for u is keep God first cos its d only way 2 remain sane during d low's in one's life..trust me there r always going to be lows...as par the bobo...it will work itself out..
@ Biodun- Thanks alot girl. I know everything is all a matter of time but I am so fed up now. I am trying to keep God closer too. Thanks alot dear
Can I just say that I dont want to sound patronising by saying "i know how you feel" because how can I possibly do? What I will say is that, keep praying and Thanking God for everything he makes possible for you. You may not think you have much to thank him for but trust me, you being alive, and able to read this comment is one and there are many many more. I know the kind of person you are and I can say that you are far from being a jealous type of person.I know thre will be times when the devil tries to plant things in your head,just remember that everything you see or hear isnt always the case....as in, dont take everything by face value. Yes, it may seem that everyone else is moving on with life and its all you pray and ask God for, but do you ever wonder what it is, they lack in order to be blessed by what it is they have?..and trusr me, I am still yet to meet someone who has everything 100% rosy in their life...there will always be things they wish and hope for too... One thing my mother told me and I have always remembered is that, i shouldn't be envious of people or "wish I were them" because I have no idea what they are going through in their lives. I am a strong believer in the saying that "of everything that happens, there is a reason...a valid one for that matter (as long as God is involved)behind it. Yes you may not be where u had hoped to be right now but trust me, God has BIG PLANS for you girl!!!! Try and hang on in there and have faith in him!!!! love ya
Thanks alot dear for your advice and suggestions. Love you too
As per not having money to leave the house, don't worry I've been there. In fact I still go there occassionally, but God provides. His eyes are on the sparrow, so how much more you? Time is a healer, trust me. It doesn't seem like it now, but it is. Stay strong, and stay optimistic.
Hi
I really like your blog- and I can relate to what you've said in this post. I don't know if I can add anything to all the words of encouragement that have been dispensed already- but hang in there.....
whats all this depression about? you need to cheer up ASAP. Its only a phase you'll get a fab job and all the fab things that come with that shortly! My advice to you would be to enjoy your free time now that you have it, cos once its gone my dear its gone forever! you hear me complaining everyday :)
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