Seriously Seeking Advice!
Right from secondary school, I was always the girl who had too many guy friends and never a boyfriend. Why? I really don't know!
Years after, I am still like that and I think it's gotten worse. Basically I have been single for such a long time now, that I find it hard to frame my mind in the relationship way.
But lately, after spending too much time with NewGuy, my emotions are beginning to kick in like mad. NewGuy is seriously seeking a relationship blah, blah. To be honest with you, I am getting so carried away that for once in my life, I am not in control of my emotions, and I have started thinking of crossing over to the land of "two become one".
I seriously should not be getting carried away now, I have nothing, I have no job, I have no idea the direction my life is going, I have no job, my top priorities are not in action, right now I have nothing to add to a relationship but confusion, more confusion and my unstableness.
I need help! Being single for such a long time only accummulates more bad habits, like having days of not wanting to talk to anyone - I can switch off my phone for the weekend and only call people I want to talk to, able to do whatever I want without confirming/just informing someone else about my actions, more secretive, self centred, completely unemotional etc.
Also, because I have allowed myself to be completely opened and fronting-free, for some reason, 'Fear' has settled in and I find myself listening to the voices in my head, I find myself questioning everything, I find myself slipping and I find myself thinking just too much.
I have never been hurt before, I thank God for that and I guess my greatest fear is rejection. The bottom line is I can't even have a relationship, cause for starters I find it so hard to deprogram myself from my present ways of life and I don't know what to do again and I really don't want to spoil the beautiful thing I have going on.
Personally, I think I should just run now, afterall I already have the fear of getting hurt, so it's safer to run away now, right? Yes it is! Or isn't it? Maybe not? I dunno!
I hate this feeling.......
Years after, I am still like that and I think it's gotten worse. Basically I have been single for such a long time now, that I find it hard to frame my mind in the relationship way.
But lately, after spending too much time with NewGuy, my emotions are beginning to kick in like mad. NewGuy is seriously seeking a relationship blah, blah. To be honest with you, I am getting so carried away that for once in my life, I am not in control of my emotions, and I have started thinking of crossing over to the land of "two become one".
I seriously should not be getting carried away now, I have nothing, I have no job, I have no idea the direction my life is going, I have no job, my top priorities are not in action, right now I have nothing to add to a relationship but confusion, more confusion and my unstableness.
I need help! Being single for such a long time only accummulates more bad habits, like having days of not wanting to talk to anyone - I can switch off my phone for the weekend and only call people I want to talk to, able to do whatever I want without confirming/just informing someone else about my actions, more secretive, self centred, completely unemotional etc.
Also, because I have allowed myself to be completely opened and fronting-free, for some reason, 'Fear' has settled in and I find myself listening to the voices in my head, I find myself questioning everything, I find myself slipping and I find myself thinking just too much.
I have never been hurt before, I thank God for that and I guess my greatest fear is rejection. The bottom line is I can't even have a relationship, cause for starters I find it so hard to deprogram myself from my present ways of life and I don't know what to do again and I really don't want to spoil the beautiful thing I have going on.
Personally, I think I should just run now, afterall I already have the fear of getting hurt, so it's safer to run away now, right? Yes it is! Or isn't it? Maybe not? I dunno!
I hate this feeling.......
posted by 1511th | 3:37 PM
17 Comments:
RUN LIKE THE WIND.
At least sort yourself out you know..get a job and all that bla bla, be stable in yourself before you go any further and if he is really serious NewGuy can wait!
If you go to Pirate Val's blog, Pirate Val will exploit your problems while giving you free advice.
These people are incorrect. Only Pirate Val is correct. Pirate Val is never wrong. If you try to prove Pirate Val wrong, you will never wake up again.
Go on, try it. If you don't, its just because you want to wallow in your problems, instead of fixing them. That's what Pirate Val says. And Pirate Val is always right.
Its funny you write about this topic u and I have spoken about endlessly for the past few weeks. I totally understand where u are coming from because I am in the same boat as you are....well, maybe not completely,..at least NG is saying all the right things and telling you he wants to make you "wifey" and all that good stuff. Like I told you many a times, give this one a go...u never know unless you try and if things dont work out, well, take this from someone who has been hurt in the past...."life goes on"!!!!! Yes you will be down and upset for a while but you will get over it....Trust me. Look at it this way, you will never know what "could be or could have been" if you let this go now but at least if you tried, you will have no regrets because you know you did all you could. Meanwhile, I have update for you oh on "baby boy"......I swear, this guy has "Jazzed" me...BIG TIME!!!!!!
I am not in the best situation to give advice. I know how you feel though... you don't have a job, you feel like the more important things in your life are not stable... why should you be in a relationship? Right?
If I were in your situation, I'll be torn...
1. Should I take things really slowly, let NewGuy understand that I like him but I just feel like I would be a burden with my "joblessness", as you put it.
2. Or jump right into a full blown relationship and see how things go.
Forgetting about NewGuy won't be an option for me though.
Talk to him and see if he undertands where you are coming from... and take it from there.
Good Luck.
P.S. Are you looking for a graduate job? Engineering? Let me know, I could point you in the right direction, maybe.
@ Belle, I swear I have never experienced any form of rejection that I will say was big enough to leave me hurt. As for the job, I guess it's more of a mental thing, cos i tend to have some sort of security before getting in a relationship, this time around i have nothing but NG. I guess I am just making excuses.
@mphahlele: I really do want to run like the wind but at the same time take NG with me as well...lol
@ o: Thanks dear, I am so scared.
@ LondonBuki: Thanks alot dear, yes oh, I am looking for a graduate job in engineering. I know forgetting NG isn't an option but hmmm, sounds like a good idea...lol
At the end of the day and despite everyone's advice you should only do what you feel is best for you, trust your gut feeling and go with that. Sometimes you have to learn to let go and let things just happen -dwelling on little trivial things will only make you miss out on the good things you should be enjoying with NG.
Too add my 10 kobo. I agree with Belle. To my mind a guy doesn't stop you from acomplishing anything, if he's the right one he only adds to you. Two are better than one.........(to use a cliche)
i think i agree with onada.
I'm not saying being with a guy will deter you from your goals, but it's very possible oh.
I dunno at the end of the day u can only decide but whatever decision you make stay strong and be you always.
I didnt mean it to sound like getting a job was the prerequisite to getting with a guy i've just always believed if you can take care of yourself first then everything will fall into place and that gives you more time.
I guess i meant run in the sense that you have other issues to deal with but run with him by your side?
Making sense?? I dunno. I'm no expert!
And yes it would be nice to have NG by your side..but take things slow and dont forget the focus!
Ur like me Kunle....Getting carried away and thinking of the different possible things that could happen if you say yes or if you say no. A million and one things are racing through your head. Why not try this....stop creating scenarios and take things one at a time, go back to gear 1. Enjoy what is going on now and don't let NG push you around cos a womans intuition is sharp! Take only the steps that YOU want to take. And communicate with him, don't just leave him in the dark
Hmm, all i can say is that enjoy what you have with the new guy, but just make sure that you know what you are doing.
About the Job thing i agree with belle in the city, yes dont let it come to that stage.
Just chant one thing in your head:
FOCUS and that is what will drive you
stop worrying about men jare they are all crap!!
hmmm. I think I know how you feel (well kinda). I know how you want to be financially stable and be able to stand on your own two feet etc etc b4 you get committed.
I think the point you are missing here though is that you are not GETTING MARRIED to NewGuy. I mean, you never know until you try. You are probably scared of getting into a relationship with him becuz u've not ben involved for such a long time and i'm sure u've learnt to be very self sufficient. So letting go will be difficult cuz you have to "put yourself out there" and allow yourself to FEEL. But u r worried things will go wrong and you'll get hurt rite??
Well, the truth of the matter is that life is all about risk taking - i know thats a very cliche statement but at the end of the day, it's very true. If you really like NewGuy, then give it a go. It's better to try and fail (remember it's only a possibility, not a certainty) than to spend the rest of your life thinkin what would have happened btw u and NewGuy.
LOL @ Anonymous said...
stop worrying about men jare they are all crap!!
Kunle, where are you?!?!?!
You know Buki, I've wondered the same thing - Where is kunle ----------maybe she took our advice and she is with New guy.......
Just stay focused. Get your priorities sorted out and every other thing should fall into place.
Best wishes.
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