My life....

Monday 4:28

2007-02-12T16:26:00.000Z

Finally, taking a break from my work project and emailing "Clients". I have 32 minutes left to run out of work before I am begged to stay behind, but for some reason I tell you time seems to be taking a nap.

I have so much catching up to do but dont really know where to start. I have a job now, thank God for that and I promise to be healthy till I die, hence why I am now pumping cups upon cups of water a day to have flawless skin and shed the spotty one I have now thanks to Chicken-Pox. Saying that, I find I share my time between the ladies and my desk each day, I drink then drip...lol (get it!)

On my way back to my desk from one of my loo visit, I bumped into one of my Nigerian co-worker. I have never said a word to her before but I see her around the building, she called me over to her desk. Turns out she just got back from Dubai and decided to turn her workspace into a gold-trade centre. I so could not believe it. She had so called "Sterling Silver" (with her nigerian accent) that looked like aluminium wrapped in foil paper, men's watches and fashion rings displayed all over her. She must have seen the look of disgust on my face and decided to ask me if I prefer gold instead, before I could say anything, she brought out a huge suitcase from under her desk to show me what she had.

Told her I'll be back after work and rushed off, now i have to take the stairs out of the building this evening so as not to bump into her on my way to the lift. Actually, I would have to take the stairs this week cos I have no money for pahnda.

This got me thinking of my primary school, University of Lagos, Staff School. The teachers were just as bad when it came to trading within their jobs. Some made me hawk for them and go to other teachers to show them the products which was usually something with an awful smell like salty smoked fish or locust beans.... yuk

Happy New Year & Happy Monday

2007-02-12T11:19:00.000Z

Happy New year and most importantly happy Monday. I am so excited to be back and yet I still have NOTHING to write about?!?!

Million thanks to everyone wanting me back especially Vickii, LondonBuki and Onada

Legend Weekend

2006-07-19T21:07:00.000Z

Weekend was great, started off with my little cousin's 7th birthday party, got him Converse All-Star and he said in his words - “Aunty these are so cool, now I am mega cool”. Kids! Basically Saturday was filled with screaming kids and wails of - "Aunty give me cake" “Aunty where’s my parcel”.

I miss all those kids’ parties in Nigeria. If you are lucky, you get it organized by PartyPacks, Uncle Wole & co. With lanky men dressed in funny costumes (where they get it from is a million dollar question) not forgetting the scary clowns with weird face paintings and playing dancing competition to Shina Peters et al. I can not wait for my kids to come this world; I swear I’ll be organizing parties for them everyday (that’s if we are in Nigeria oh).

Monday, my sister and I ended up at some exclusive members-only club in London, Cabaret (Think that’s the right spelling). Highlight of my night was when my sister tapped me casually and asked me to look at the person at the table behind us, only for me to turn and see the Mr. John Legend in person (who is dating a Nigerian girl oh). He is so light and fine, not tall enough for a guy but amazingly gorgeous. I was amazed that no one was rushing/grabbing/crowding him, imagine, everyone acted so normal (well, we were at the VIP, so that might explain why).

I had to gather myself together and act calm and collected like I wasn’t star-struck at all, but I couldn’t stop glancing at him. Luckily for me, while on my way back from the loo, he was heading to the loo so we kind of ‘bumped’ into each other. He was so nice and drunk, he kept on talking to us but his silly oversabi master - bouncer kept on pulling him back. Sha, I got a picture with him, hahaha!
Somehow I feel, if he only he saw me when he was single, I could have been THE Nigerian Babe…Amen.

We had some new guy, Ryan Leslie who performed most of the night, his songs are quite nice I must say. There were other Z-list celebs there like Grace from BigBrother but who cares?

Now I am back to applying for jobs…. Oh well back to the norm!

The Waiting Game...

2006-07-10T19:04:00.000Z

Hitherto have ye asked nothing in My name: ask, and ye shall receive, that
your joy may be full.....John 16:24

Reading LondonBuki's blog entry today reminded me of me. I too decided a while ago to talk to God about my problems rather than to friends but I must say, it is the hardest thing to do.

I believe in God and His goodness, I have faith that my prayers will be answered as long as I believe and all. But for someone as impatient as I am, I find the transition between trial to tribulations or test to testimonies the hardest thing to endure. It truly is a test of Faith because the wait allows room for doubting and fear and to be honest sometimes I have fallen and lost Faith while waiting because even though I start up with Faith, somewhere along the line I lose it and start having doubts.
I wish I know how to truly believe with all my heart to the end and accept that sometimes it will take time not instant response.

Monday...Blah

2006-07-10T10:54:00.000Z

So after many months of staying indoors, well actually because of my stubborn chicken pox spots, I have been hiding indoors and avoiding any social gathering. I decided to go for the SimplyLive party at Zest on saturday, honestly it was fun while it lasted.

I don't know why I bother going to these Nigerian Parties, I mean, you've been to one you've been to all, nothing but a night of fakeness mixed with an aura of Plus de Fakeness (more fakeness), actually I know why I go - in order to "Network", sort of like a marketing strategy for single people and guys, (yep guys) cos in London apart from parties and clubs, there really is no where else to meet people.... (I think). There are hardly weddings and even if there are, its usually filled with parents and grandparents, and the people you club with. Let me not even talk about meeting people in church, I personally do not believe in it (heard too many sour stories).

Funny enough I never date guys I meet in clubs or regard them as serious prospects (personal preference) but I keep going to these parties cos you never know, there just might be a new 'kid' in town....lol. So until then, I need to carry on with my usual - air-kissing my way through to every Nigerian gathering while spotting the season's must-have, AfakeSmile.

My older sister had food-poisoning yesterday after eating the spoilt salad I warned her not to, so all she did yesterday was hold her belly and slept in the toilet all day. But it made me realise, as women, the older we get the harder it is for people to believe one can have a case of plain old belly ache (which makes you vomit) without actually being PREGNANT. So you can imagine how many people kept on asking her, are you sure you are not pregnant, during her vomiting sessions.

I learnt this weekend, that we never really know our true friends until we are all married. As far-fetched as this may seem to me now, I somewhat believe, because I have friends that have oh so strayed because they are in a relationship and the only time they call me is clearly when they have evidently been in some shape or form of fight with their partner, so I can imagine what will become of them when push becomes shove (marriage). Though I do wonder if this applies to guys sha.

Congratulations LondonBuki on going through and completing your race. Shows alot about your character and your attitude to things. You go girl!

November

2006-06-29T10:55:00.000Z

I got this junk mail recently and I must admit, I was amazed at how accurate it is, (for me sha). I have always wondered how the people who sit and write these things get their facts right...ish. But come on, not every one born in November will have the same characteristics, or do they? Oh well, have fun reading yours, mine made me smile and even got a couple of nods...lol

Pick the MONTH that you were born in & put it on the SUBJECT LINE. People might understand you better.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very Stubborn and money cautious. _______________________________________________

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside........Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
_________________________________
MARCH: Attractive personality, sexy. Affectionate, Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
_________________________________
APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory........ Moving Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their luver can see. _________________________________

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift. _________________________________
JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive........ Stubborn.
_________________________________

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. __________________________________
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends ..
_________________________________

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves sports, leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings........ Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic. _________________________________

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children. _________________________________

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others.Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises. High-spirited........ Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable
_________________________________

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy Strong lover. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Loves to love.Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egoistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions.

How do I cope ......

2006-06-20T22:32:00.000Z

When everything I have set out to do, I have almost achieved it, without dropping out even when things were hard or when I needed encouragement from the people I loved the most but never got it. When I have all these ideas and aspiration to be successful in everything I do and want to do. When I know for sure I will be great in this world and all my dreams will come to past, but some where along the line, I allow myself to get carried away by your words all because I was seeking your attention, your - I am proud of you, your - thank you for being a good girl, your - I am glad you are mine.

How do I cope after you tell me I am nothing but a dissappointment, dad?

Ok, I am off to dance, I have decided to dance for atleast one hour a day, to drop a bra-size. I refuse to let you get to me...lol

Meanwhile, how do I cope when I have a big belly that has refused to be flat, not like I want a six-pack or anything oh, just a nice flat belly menh, that's all!

A Taboo?

2006-06-07T11:20:00.000Z

I never set goals for myself or have "The Plan" telling me where I should be at a certain stage in Life. I usually go with the flow, I mean, after primary school is secondary school then college/university then marriage. But when it is all said and done, some people start craving a new challenge in life.

January 2006, during one of our what-to-do/I-need-a-new-challenge conversations, my close friend and I decided to set a simple goal that would be accomplished by December 2006.

The Plan:

Save a Million Naira each by December 2006, God willing
Spend it all by December 2006 by either starting a business or investing all the money in other companies/products in Nigeria.

Theoretically, it is a simple plan, though quite risky. Honestly, the risk makes the whole plan more exciting and easier to follow. Knowing that I have 12months to save 1Million Naira and then spending it all before the New Year is a thrill.

But along the way, I am faced with a major problem, MyMumma. She seems to think it is a bad idea to go into business with any friend let alone my very good friend, (though growing up she constantly warned us not to have many female friends or what can happen when friendship goes wrong etc). She talks about how the friendship might change later on in life i.e. when we both marry etc and the business will end due to our differences or other people's opinions i.e. husband's.

Due to popular belief, when involving friendship with money, one has to decide which is more important but there are friendships that can survive anything and has not gone 'pop' yet because of money and it is the 21st century after all, there are a lot of legal works that will be carried out to prepare for such mishap in the future. But Mumma is so adamant with a passion and knowing her, she has probably started praying to God about it now. Even when she told one of my aunt about the path I want to take, trust Aunty was ever so quick to contribute her shares of "Yeeeee Pas" and talks about how it 'must' not happen, never.

Like it is an unwritten rule: Never set up a business with a friend/friends!

I mean, if I can not be business partner with someone I have been close to for over 15yrs, who can I do business with? Is it just a Nigerian mentality? Would this story be different, if my friend is a guy? I could go on with the questions till pigs fly and the picture still would not be clear as to why exactly going into business with a friend would turn out to be a disaster.....

Fun? Where are you?

2006-06-06T03:40:00.000Z

If I could go back to any point in my life right now, it would be me back in my secondary school days, simply because no matter what I was going through then (trust me, there were times I thought my world would end), I still had time to have fun. I was able to block out everything and have mad, care-free, risky fun. Fun I knew would turn my temporary pleasure to pain (lashings/slaps from my father).

Little things like sneaking out of the house to go next door and roam the streets or going to the vulcanizer to fix my bicycle tyres and then riding it on the road or steal from Aboki (the mallam) and letting him chase us, after a depressing moment was well worth it.

Somewhere along the line, I have been caught up with worries of tomorrow, fear of making the wrong career move, afraid of God missing my prayers cause I am really not that close to him. Hopes and dreams seem to be fading so fast, everything in my life is cloudy, I am all burnt out!

Wait, I really can not remember the last time I had Fun. Is it beacuse I have reached a stage in life where I have to show I can "be" responsible (crossing over from child to adult) and I can not take uncalculated risk again because I am in my mid-20s where I tend to overanalyse EVERYTHING ,

Then again I might just be simply boring............ I miss fun!!

About Me.....

2006-05-31T16:17:00.000Z

I am known by alot of people but I have few close friends and two great friends.
I have an overactive imagination.
I get excited easily, it's annoying.
I am sensitive but alot of things do not get to me.
I cry when people disappoint me, so much as saying you'll meet me at 4 and then you don't, makes me want to cry.
I love Nikki in Big Brother 7 (UK)
I am the second of four children and I went through a phase thinking I was irrelevant.
I did cultural dancing in secondary school and even at my first yr at university....shh.
Did cheerleading in secondary school.
My greatest love so far has been with my friends and family.
I have only ever had one physical fight in my life (apart from with my siblings), in jss3 I forgot with my classmate.
I have never had a serious relationship, I run when they start getting serious.
I hate collecting gifts from guys I am dating, I always avoid them even during my birthday.
I am secretive to a fault, hence why so many people think I am a shady character.
I am obsessed with cakes.
I love clothes with a passion but I HATE shopping only if it's a small shop and everything is one place on one rack...lol.
I have dimples and I laugh and smile alot.
People who know me think I am a very strong person but I cry almost every night on my pillow.
I am very troublesome and almost very quiet.
My life is so easy going and I never get angry.
I hardly talk about myself.
I had the best childhood.
Growing up I was sexually abused by more than one guy at different times and till this day I have never told anyone.
I come across as a girlie girl but I am very tom-boyish.
I am still not sure if I want to get married.
Can not stand plain ice-cream, my fav ice-cream is pralines and cream.
Have a passion for cooking and baking.
I am 25yrs old going on 70.
Alot of people think I am articulate, I think so too.
I never look people in the eyes when talking to them.
As a kid I wanted to be Nancy Drew.
Star sign - Scorpio! So yes, I do have an aura of mystery around me.

News Review

2006-05-19T21:39:00.000Z

I have noticed just before the start of summer, there's always a major missing person/murder story. To be honest, this happens almost every other day, but for some reason there's always a certain one that gets alot of media coverage, people talking about it and you find yourself praying for the families involved and sometimes be on the verge of tears for the families, usually just before you start having your summer-fun.

So far, the life of young 15 years-old Kiyan Prince was stolen on Thursday, May 18th, he was stabbed while trying to break up a random fight on his way back from school - evidently, another anger related crime where the person who stabbed him (allegedly a 16 yr old was seen running from the scene), probably just wanted to scare Kiyan, only Lord knows. But God has a reason for everything, including making people stay on earth for a short period of time. Kiyan may your young Soul rest in perfect peace. Amen

Then, five illegal immigrants had the nerve to work for The British Home Office as cleaners, one having worked there for 3yrs, but you know what they say, everyday for the thief, one day for the owner, sha dey don catch dem and making a big deal about it, surprisingly, yes they are Nigerians and I wander what each one is thinking right now!?!

Chicken Pox-ible II

2006-05-18T18:42:00.000Z

So my bumps have tripled all over my face, my chest, my palms and some embrassing places...lol. Went to see my doctor, Dr Hitchens yesterday morning even though she's already booked an appointment for me at St Thomas'. She looked ever so scared and starts asking me once again if I have taken any medications prior to this illness blah blah blah, because it's definately not chicken pox I have, it seems like a reaction and my immune system is over-acting. She tells me to pack an overnight bag as I will be asked to stay over at St Thomas'.

Got back home, packed and waited for my appointment. Phone rings, it's Dr Hitchens, lately she's been calling alot to check up on me but today it's different, She has a name for my illness - Stevens Johnson's Syndrome, She advices once again to pack my bag because I will be asked to stay - at this point, I am totally blank, like what's my business with a syndrome let alone Stevens Johnson's Syndrome. Got off the phone and immediately googled it.
Turns out Steven Johnson's Syndrome is a severe and life-threatening condition that occurs mostly with young adults blah, blah, blah. I get the gist and everything felt too much to take in. Went back to my packing, told my sisters I might not be coming back home ever again and they yelled at me for being silly and talking rubbish. Told Mumma what the Dr said, then I started crying, why? I don't know. First She went into, this-is-why-I-tell-you-to-go-to-church-every-sunday mode, then She started crying and asking me why I am crying (joker), then She starts praying, my older sister walks in and yells at both of us for crying and turns to me to stop beacause I am upsetting Mumma.

Finally, at the hospital with my two sisters and Mumma. I meet Dr Perez, Italian Dr, who's quick to see me and take me to his room. Then the probing starts again, more questions about taking any medications before I broke out. Blood test begins, feels like they took all my blood, they had about 6 tubes to fill. I am asked to undress and lie down naked, more doctors and nurses come in, most of them oohing and aahing. Dr Perez hands me a form to sign, asking for my permission to take pictures of me, I signed it, so I could see what I looked like as well. Nurse Susan comes in with a huge camera and starts clicking away, made me stand and pose for her, I am still blank and still trying to sink in the earlier info.

More doctors come in to take swabs and juice from my bumps, still not saying anything. At this point, I am asking God why do things like this always happen to me but I thank Him for everything else.

After more than 5hrs of probing, blood testing, swabbing and not to forget the oohhs and aahhs, Dr Perez finally talks to me (Thank God), tells me they think I have a bad case of chicken pox but they can't confirm this till I get my blood results back. Because they hardly treat adults with chicken pox, they hardly know what it looks like (hence, why they took my pic for further reference) but I should g home and treat it like chicken pox.

Back home now, waiting for my call from Dr Perez. As for me, if God watches over the tiny sparrow, then He won't miss small Kunle too.......

Chicken Pox-ible

2006-05-15T11:24:00.000Z

Days after seriously considering being in a relationship with NG, I start having bumps all over my body. Plenty bumps!

Could it be that I am breaking-out due to my fear of being committed and knowing full well that this relationship might be way too serious for me to handle? Or it might just be chicken pox right, cos it's quite itchy actually?

Went to the clinic today and the doctor confirmed it's not chicken pox because I dont have the symptoms apart from the itchiness. She seemed quite concerned and promises to get back to me later today after she has called the hospital to confirm what it might be.

Scary.........

Quarter to being a Housewife......

2006-05-14T22:00:00.000Z

Waking up each morning now to go to work has made me realize why I have been 'lazily' job hunting.
It's ever so tiring from the minute I wake up, to commuting with the morning commuters, then getting to work and playing 'best friends' with my workmates for the next 8hrs (not counting overtime), not forgetting to ask everyone for coffee/tea when going to make one for myself etc. Then, there are the people you meet at any workplace, be it retail or whatever (funny enough, they do always seem the same), there's the one who is threatened by your qualifications and ambitions and puts it upon his/herself to "try" and make you feel uncomfortable, then you have the power-driven overje master who usually tends to be very quick to jump at what one is doing wrong but they seem to have worked in the company for ages doing the same thing cos they dont have enough confidence to apply for anything else and OMG, the ones that have no life and wants us to hang out everynight after work and will go ahead and organise something for the weekend, like please.

Instead of concentrating at work today (was in for overtime), I started daydreaming, what if I have the opportunity to wake up anytime I like, do whatever I like with my day, the thought of never worrying about work ever again. Basically lazing indoors all morning, then go out and organise another brunch/gala night/lunch or whatever.

Seriously, what if I have the option of being a housewife? The luxury of being told- Darling, your salary doesn't make a difference to the family account- meaning that he has it nicely covered etc

Basically all I will be doing is being a full time housewife with my business running on the side, me organising more parties/functions for the rest of the Housewives Association and summer events for the kids blah, blah.

Lord knows that if that door of opportunity opens for me right now, I'll enter and double bolt the door sharp sharp, no questions asked.
But in reality, due to the harshness of the world and the sins of men ( the sins of the fathers always follow them), I have to work! work!! work!!! Then become the housewife much later after retirement.

Me I no go suffer ............................

From Clapping it turns to Dance....FOG Off

2006-05-08T17:45:00.000Z

Warning: Never allow men who have "Someone Else" in their life to keep sharing and expressing their feelings for you.

Ok, FOG, is in London for hols. FOG and I messed around ages ago but nothing came of it because he was moving back to Nigeria and all (this was years and years ago) but we still kept very much in touch. Last year while I was back in Nigeria, we ended up being much more closer, like we started planning our days around each other. We started as the good friends we were and eventually, we had to face that bridge where boy-girl-friendship meets either friends with 'benefits' or become lovers et al. As time passed, He started talking meticulously about "our" future and what I thought about him blah, blah, blah. The thing is, this dude has a girlfriend, whom he likes alot, then there's me who he's completely comfortable with and knows almost everything about his life et al. To be honest with you the boy is seriously confused and I am partially at fault because I allowed myself to be emotionally available to him, even after he got a new girlfriend, (though we haven't had anything physical).

While i was in Nigeria, I realized that FOG was seriously confused about his feelings for me because he was always coming up with so many random questions, like a lost puppy, anyway I decided to cut off the silly friendship we had, seeing that it was becoming quite complicated.
To cut a long story short, he's here on holiday and I was the first person he called from the airport (well, after he called his sister and his girlfriend.... lol) . Now he wants us to meet up even though I am avoiding this because he has expressed his feelings alot more, am I meant to see him tomorrow still and get another dose of his feelings face to face?

Funny thing is, I don't even know if I should be offended by some of the things he says - Like the other day, he kept on calling me cos he wanted us to meet up at Covent Garden, but fortunately.. (I think), I didn't get the message till about 5pm, well I called him back and he actually told me to please come and meet him for lunch cos he needed to talk blah blah blah BUT I need to get there before 5.30 because he was MEETING HIS GIRLFRIEND FOR 6PM!!
wtf?!? Confused.com

Meanwhile, NG is still in the picture, doing my head in as usual, blimey, now I know why I run from relationships. I am learning new things everyday, even though he's only 5 years older than I am, he's so much more matured and my word, I can not get away with being cheeky and cute always. I have to be super-mega articulate but I am loving every bit of it.... i think.

Meanwhile, on my way back from work today, I was looking out for you know who.....lol

I am Back!!

2006-05-06T12:04:00.000Z

Lol, I know I have been away for awhile now, I apologise.

I have gone from someone who had so much time in her hands to someone who prays to get just 5minutes of sleep in a week.

Ok, quick update. I have finally got a job, thank God, but it's only a temporary thing and it's not engineering related but it involves alot of calculations. Yipe! i have a job, I am still so excited. Oh yes, imagine, I bumped into ButterScotch's girlfriend on my way back home on Friday, like seriously does that happen to anyone??? Shio, the girl felt quite intimidated and I just smiled and kept on walking.....(Yeah right, I smiled and remembered I had to look for "something" in my bag and kept on walking). It was too funny.

Meanwhile, there's a fantastic food market near my workplace, it's bananas. Everything there is so tempting, from the homemade marmalade, to freshly baked tarts, cookies etc. Temptations, temptations. God please deliver me from that market.

Seriously Seeking Advice!

2006-04-22T15:37:00.000Z

Right from secondary school, I was always the girl who had too many guy friends and never a boyfriend. Why? I really don't know!

Years after, I am still like that and I think it's gotten worse. Basically I have been single for such a long time now, that I find it hard to frame my mind in the relationship way.

But lately, after spending too much time with NewGuy, my emotions are beginning to kick in like mad. NewGuy is seriously seeking a relationship blah, blah. To be honest with you, I am getting so carried away that for once in my life, I am not in control of my emotions, and I have started thinking of crossing over to the land of "two become one".

I seriously should not be getting carried away now, I have nothing, I have no job, I have no idea the direction my life is going, I have no job, my top priorities are not in action, right now I have nothing to add to a relationship but confusion, more confusion and my unstableness.

I need help! Being single for such a long time only accummulates more bad habits, like having days of not wanting to talk to anyone - I can switch off my phone for the weekend and only call people I want to talk to, able to do whatever I want without confirming/just informing someone else about my actions, more secretive, self centred, completely unemotional etc.
Also, because I have allowed myself to be completely opened and fronting-free, for some reason, 'Fear' has settled in and I find myself listening to the voices in my head, I find myself questioning everything, I find myself slipping and I find myself thinking just too much.

I have never been hurt before, I thank God for that and I guess my greatest fear is rejection. The bottom line is I can't even have a relationship, cause for starters I find it so hard to deprogram myself from my present ways of life and I don't know what to do again and I really don't want to spoil the beautiful thing I have going on.

Personally, I think I should just run now, afterall I already have the fear of getting hurt, so it's safer to run away now, right? Yes it is! Or isn't it? Maybe not? I dunno!

I hate this feeling.......

Power Of Time

2006-04-16T10:56:00.000Z

It's really amazing what one can experience/see when you allow yourself the time to open your heart or eyes to the little things around you.

This time around, I have decided to allow myself to have fun and be free, (I mean I have so much time and still no job). Free from judging guys before I even speak to them, free from giving out my number and knowing full well that I won't even give them a minute of my time. I decided, since I am still young (jokes) and very single, there really is nothing stopping me from going on random dates et al.

I finally collected my new phone from NewGuy and allowed myself to spend time with him, I mean if I don't like what I see, I can run...lol. Time, I swear changes things and eventually allows room for emotions, NewGuy turns out to be so surreal and he might be honest but because, I never gave the time to take guys serious and listen to what they have to say, I keep thinking he's lying and he's just looking for sturvs etc. He says things that I have only dreamt about. Imagine, he told me, he wants us to start going to church together, I have never ever in my life been asked that.

It's funny because, I sit and daydream about what I want a guy to say to me, how I want a guy to treat me etc and now I have found him and I am like, hold up! Wait a minute, I need time!

Thinking out Loud!!

2006-04-10T11:04:00.000Z

So far along my journey of life, I tend to be very attentive when it comes to matters of relationships. As a product of a broken home, I pray and intend on having a very successful and happy-till-death-do-us-apart family of mine one day by God's Grace.

Each time, I get told by my Mumma that in everything I do, I have to be totally submissive especially in relationships. I have to know how to be 100% submissive but yet still hold on to my valuables. I have to allow my husband/boyfriend be the head even though I am the neck that makes him turn. I have to open my heart and hands to change while still holding on tight to my valuables. I have to accustom myself to the back seat.
Honestly, all that isn't a problem and I guess with time, I'll be the master of my game, but what I really don't understand is that I also have to put myself out there and be vulnerable.

Being vulnerable, according to my dictionary means:
- Capable of being physically or mentally hurt
- Open to criticism or censure
- Open to attack or damage.

Now, this is a major problem, I mean I believe I am a strong minded girl who hardly cries or put myself in situations that will end in tears, and even when I do have to cry, I do it under the bed preferrably with my eyes closed cause I can't afford to appear vulnerable to my friends or even family. I find it so hard to get hurt physically or mentally or even sit around and admit I am hurt.
I swear, it's not pride or anything like that. Growing up, I got punished for showing an iota or signs of weakness or any form of vulnerability. This was one thing that got under my father's skin and frustrated the hell out of him. He made it seem like, the minute you show a sign of vulnerability, the whole world will take advantage of you there and then.
But now, part of the things I have to do in order to have a successful relationship is to allow myself to be capable of being hurt physically/mentally, allow myself to be open to criticism/censure, allow myself to be open to attack or damage.

As the person I am, how can I be vulneranble without acting? Can't I just be submissive? Do I really have to be vulnerable?? I swear it's not easy.

How silly...

2006-03-28T19:52:00.000Z

.... So my little brother, Kayode, who is 19, by the way, has reached the stage in his life where it's cool to be a PimpDaddy. As in every girl he meets, he runs after and ends up having something to do with them etc. Right now he offically has 2 girlfriends and a small lickel (some London slang for on-the-side babe). And he's into the whole works i.e different ring tone for each one of them, shuffling his time between them etc. Funny thing is the small lickel, the one on the side, used to be the main chic before but now she has become the sidekick.

Right, there's a particular one I really like but the babe is oh so clueless. Out of all the babes he has, she is the least liked one (ps- each girl is not aware of the other). But the babe can spend money I beg, in her young age, as in what? She's so ready to drop money for my silly brother. Ok they've been dating for about 3months now, and so far, the babe has bought:

Ralph Lauren big pony polo shirt
Gucci shoes worth £195
Hugo Boss 100ml perfume etc

And all this in a space of a few months of dating oh, not to forget the take-aways, sweets etc she brings over to the house when she comes over.

It made me think, what is the most stupidest thing I have ever done for a guy? Stupidest in the sense that, even while I was doing it in 19gogoro, I knew it was really stupid, not to talk of now.

Well, I remember very clearly like it was yesterday. It was awhile ago and I was much younger (thank God) and I gave this dude I was having "something" with about £350+ cash because we were in a car accident together and he was really upset he smashed the rented car, so I wanted to cheer him up, I guess... lol, I am too ashamed for Oyekunle (myself). Do you know I could have invested that money in a bag or shoe, that I'll still be rocking now, shio!

Change! Change!! Change!!!

2006-03-28T11:35:00.000Z

Change is the only thing permanent but yet I never seem to adapt my mind to it or even get ready for it both mentally and physically. Clock went forward on Sunday and I have been complaining about how quick the time is flying by, waking up at my usual time yet still feeling really tired etc. So Spring is finally here , though the April showers are here before April itself.

Growing up, my Mumma warned me and told me alot of stories about friends changing due to new changes in their lives, for example a new man that's swept them off their feet and they are totally in love with, then they tend to forget about other things and people around them, a new job, then they feel they are ahead of you and all of a sudden can't relate to you again, new man, new friends, oh yeah and a new man etc. To be honest with you, I never assumed I will experience that episode in my life, I hardly have that many close friends and the few I have, I have invested everthing one can think of in it, I've been honest, open and loyal, to make it the best ever and breakup free relationship I'll be in.

Recently, one of my close friend has completely changed due to the fact that she's in a new relationship. Her guy is amazing, he's really nice but MyGirl just seems to have cut everything off and revolve her life around her and her man alone, full stop, like I wouldn't mind if it was just a friend but she's one of my really great friend. Now we hardly talk that much again and even when we do, She feels the need not to tell me anything about herself again or what's going on in her life (so as not to bug me she says).

It's actually getting to me, because this is one of the few friendships I really thought would last forever, I mean we shared everything, we had loads of silent crying sessions where we both knew why we were crying but will cry without saying a word. I was fully unguarded when it came to our friendship, now I feel my 'used-by' date has finally arrived sooner than later. The joke is we used to laugh about people like this.

Am I meant to pull out of our friendship now? Or still hold on to it, afterall we've built a mighty strong foundation? Or could this all just be something I have concocted in my head due to too much time and lack of job?

Spring Cleaning

2006-03-24T11:54:00.001Z

Went over to my apartment yesterday and I realised why my life is so cluttered. Ever since I moved back to London, my things are still packed in brown boxes, my clothes still packed in suitcases, my paintings wrapped in old newspaper on the floor and dont even get me started on the things I brought back from Nigeria. Ok, fair enough, I moved back to London just about a month before I went to Nigeria, so really I didn't have that much time to unpack. So I decided I'll do everything when I get back from Nigeria. After about 2months there, I came back and guess what, I added 2 more suitcases of clothes and shoes to it.

Months and months after, I keep telling myself - I'll do it tomorrow, for sure. But I guess my tomorrow is taking its time cause I am still living off my medium-sized LV weekend bag which includes my favourite bubu (that's all I wear all day). Do you know that the less things you have, the less stress one gets. As in for almost 3 months now, everything I have worn came out of that bag, like magic! (Ok and maybe sharing my siblings clothes...lol).

So I am thinking to myself, how am I meant to know where I want to be mentally when physically my road is packed with expensive junk, like I can not even switch on the lights without falling let alone climb up the stairs safely or go to the toilet. My problem is I detest London with every passion in me. I think it is way too overrated. I really don't know what the hype is all about. Everything is "nicely" overcharged/overpriced. Everyone is in a hurry to get nowhere.
Subconsciously, this has aided in me not really looking for a job as I should be.

Mentally, my mind is like my flat. Too many things left unattended to, things left wandering around, things unpacked. Like, one minute I am totally ready to move back to Nigeria to work and start a business, I guess in a way that's why I haven't unpacked my things. Then there is the issue of staying in London, do I want to work in London or move back outside London and get a job there?

So I figured since the clock officially goes back on Sunday, I will be renewing my life. With tears streaming down my face, I have set 5 simple new goals, 5 things I've to target and do for self happiness.

Stay Focused - I really need to snap back into reality and not lose focus of my lifetime goals. As my little brother, Kayode, said, I easily allow myself to get distracted and yes I agree with him. I need to step away from the internet and stop watching every day TV shows on TV. Also I have to be focused to achieve and stick to these goals.
Think less of ButterScotch - Seeing that I only create more void within me, so rather I'll spend each minute I think about ButterScotch on God instead, seeing that I owe HIM alot of thanks for bringing me this far and for making things I thought were impossible a thing of the past.
Stay in London - At the end of the day, I know London is my capital city, in order for me to move back to Nigeria and live as comfortably as I am here (ok maybe not right now), I have to have traded in my hardwork for raw cash and London is really where I can make alot of capital to stabilise anything/everything I want to do in Nigeria. So for now, I will focus on making London work for me.
Finally unpack everything I have in boxes including the batch in my Mumma's garage.
Admit that yes, I am a tad bit lazy, so I need to get off my butt cause the internet is not the only way to get a job.

With all these said and done, I am going to allow myself now to keep crying. I swear I need a good cry to wash away my laziness and to clear my head and also to prepare my mind for my Spring. So rather than look for jobs today, I am taking today off to have a well deserved good cry.

Thank you, I got tagged!

2006-03-22T11:04:00.000Z

Can I just say a big thank you to everyone who's left me a comment on Lack of inspiration. I have taken everything into consideration and I will definately act on it, though I know all these already, I guess I am just fed-up with the direction my life is going. But I am ever so grateful for the kind words I recieved, God bless you all.

So, while I was dwelling in self pity, I got tagged, thanks to Onada, by the way babe, hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday. Once again wishing you the very best in everything and love you to bits. Anyway, I got tagged thanks to her, but here goes.....

Rules:
If I tag you, you have to do the following:
1. The tagged victim must come up with 10 different points of their perfect lover.
2. Need to mention gender of target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged again, there's no need to post a 2nd time.

Lol, due to the type of men I have met in London, I gave up on requiremnets ages ago. But I guess every girl is allowed to have wants - empty desires, and fairy tales and hey, you never know....

MyPerfect Lover

He must be God fearing. (It's very important for him to believe in my Father and that He's greater than him)
He must be very intellectual and less intimidated by my eduucational background and yes my upbringing and my future ambitions.
He must not be judgemental. (I have a lot of beautiful minded friends & families with dirty characters and I cant stop being there for them cos I have a man)
He must be accomodating. (I am a semi-perfectionist and I pass gas alot etc)
He must have dated less than 10 girls in his lifetime, not counting secondary school days. (I don't like guys that date every girl they meet. Must you go out with everyone?)
He must speak good english. ( You'll be surprised how many guys cant speak good english due to pigeon english)
He must not be controlling. (We have plenty of them here in London)
He must be a joker that I can understand and read very well.
He must have a great sense of style and ready to learn new things.
He must understand and be able to afford my needs for designer items and top of the range sport cars.

Phew, I got carried away there, but you never know sha, abeg. Dear God, if there is a man like this out there for me, please Father, I am ready to meet him. Thank You Lord.

So, now i have to name people I will tag

ToyinE
LondonBuki
Nkem
Belle in the City
"O"
Olawunmi

Ok, I cant think again and precise, 6, 8 there isn't much difference.

Lack of Inspiration

2006-03-19T17:50:00.000Z

Woke up this morning with a deep sense of unaccomplishment. I hate being in this position. The feeling of being stuck in a foreign country where people are speaking in tongues, unable to learn the language so one can't communicate with anyone. Feeling of everyone going somewhere exciting but me. Feeling of everyone becoming something great except me. Feeling of being stagnant, can't go backwards, can't go forward. I try as much as possible each day to be excited for my friends when they talk about their exciting new life or the new things they bought or their exciting love life. Lord knows, I am not a jealous person but because I have so much time on my hand, the devil is trying to put ideas in me. Anyway, the devil is a liar.

I despise self-pity but honestly my life is so meaningless right now. I have nothing to inspire me. Nothing to motivate me. I wake up each morning with absolutely nothing to do. I can't even do charity/voluntary work because I will need money for transportation and I don't have. I am house bound thanks to lack of money.

ButterScotch was online today. He has been coming online alot since friday. Funny thing happened, I was feeling so down on friday mainly cause of him and I said a little prayer to God, imagine about 2hrs later, He came online and please he hasn't been online since last April (I think) and he started to me etc.

This is what I don't understand, I have tried to move on, I have tried to forget about him, I have tried to erase him from my life but everytime I am at a point where I want to explode, God pops into my life and surprises me (little things like this make me believe he's mine and he'll be back... I swear I am a roasto).

I need help.

MyMumma

2006-03-17T23:49:00.000Z

Read Onada's entry today on Get your money right, and it made me think about my darling Mumma.

My Mumma started dating my father right after their secondary school days (they attended the same school) and they lived together during their university years in london (meanwhile, she'll shoot me if I told her I was living with a guy while at uni). After 10 years of living together and doing what couples do, they eventually got married. Unfortunately for Mumma, she got the wrong end of marriage. Her In-laws (in the shape of my Father's Sister) did not like her, Mumma's parents were much richer than father's, the Inlaws thought my Mumma was too spoilt, though to be honest with you, Mumma is quite spoilt even up to now, there are some things she comes up with and I feel like shaking her, like how spoilt are you?

As for Father, he was a real man as in his eyes were always wandering even up to now, so I guess it came as no surprise to Mumma when she discovered that he had other kids outside and her Inlaws wanted her out, and to make matters worse, Father somewhat listened to his older sister alot. And in no time, things started going downhill from there. The beatings and slaps started too and in no time it became a regular activity in the house.

After giving my Father 4kids, Mumma found the strength to leave Father, without turning back or battering an eyelid. But when she left, she left with nothing, no clothes, no house in Lagos, no business, nothing. She had to start building her life from scratch again at the age of 40+ all because she did not really secure her financial future incase things go wrong.

Now she has progressed alot in life, but she can not think of retiring anytime soon and she's 54yrs old. To this day she regrets leaving everything to the last minute while she was still with my Father, she regrets going through him for any financial decision she wanted to make.

But I thank God for the experience she had to go through growing up with Father and the lessons she learnt because it reflects alot in my upbringing and she's ever ready to set me back on track whenever I am derailing.

A La Nigerian Guys.

2006-03-16T19:05:00.000Z

Is it me or Nigerian men do not know how to chase girls again. I am now convinced that I meet the lazy bunch of them who the only thing they want to invest in me is their money and of course the other obvious thingy but when it comes to time/getting to know me, it goes downhill from there. Right now, I am at the stage were I meet alot of guys ( I must feel but I no lie) but it's so hard for me to regard them in any form or shape of seriousness because with majority of the guys I meet, after one conversation, they move to the Hi baby/babes/hun/wife stage. How am I meant to take them serious? After the name calling stage, then they progress to the let's go shopping/ I'll buy this for you/I bought you that/let's travel together, or in the case of the ones that have moved back to Nigeria - I am getting you a ticket to come for the weekend. After all these, they start talking like we are dating each other, like I am their girlfriend full stop. They expect me to do the girlfriend duties, please bear in mind that I have only met these guys once and we have probably spoken 3/4 times oh for about 20mins max.

One thing I have noticed about Nigerian guys, is that they all have confidence abeg. As in The ugly ones.... Mega Confidence! The fine ones.....Super Mega Confidence! The poor ones......Confidence! The rich ones....Too much Confidence! The short ones....Super Confidence! Every type of them one can think of... Confidence! Rubbish, shio. Especially in this London where girls can spoil guys, I can only imagine what goes through their heads.

Talking about guys, I find it so hard to be attracted/like one (ok yes! I am still obsessing about ButterScotch). I set everything as a challenge when it comes to men. If I meet a guy today and he tells me well, he isn't looking for a serious thing. I immediately go into game-mode, I set it upon myself to make him want a serious relationship from me, I mean, na so I stood by myself when him come meet me for number. How can you be toasting me and yet have the nerve to tell me you just want "sturvs" "nothing serious".. mad man (we re!). Yes, I like it when men are honest but abeg the very honest truth is too bitter for me. Funny thing is I am not even looking for anything serious too, lol

Anyway, that's how my phone decided to pack up and leave me in the time when there's no money to replace it. It's bad enough having no job but then having no job and no mobile phone tops the chart with 1001 sprinklers. Spoke to La sexy La la, (my patner in crime), that's how her man told me his friend likes me (Now, La sexy's boo is always telling me this but I never meet the guys). LA Sexy, is my very close friend since jss2 and ever since she got into a serious relationship last year, her and her boo have decided to set me up with different guys.

So La sexy's boo proceeded to ask if he can give his friend my number blah blah blah. Told him I didnt have a mobile phone blah blah blah. To cut a long story short, La Sexy called me yesterday to tell me that the guy dropped a new phone for her last night to give me, imagine, because he heard I have no phone and he really wants to talk to me, Ope o. I am one who feels very uncomfortable collecting gifts from men, I have never collected anything from potential toasters but Lord knows I need a phone and at this rate I don't know when I'll get a new one and precise I don't have any stories to tell my daughters in the future (I dont have any kids yet oh), you know stories like when I was your age, men gave me this, men gave me that etc.

Infact I am collecting the phone. Thank God for the guy. God please forgive me. Going to apply for jobs.

Individualism.... Not

2006-03-15T12:07:00.000Z

I am one who thrives myself in being different from the norm, it's a form of pleasure I get (I know I am sad, but hey I am very much single with too much time on my hands), but I enjoy buying things other people would see and ignore or do things that other people won't even think off. I am an Outside-The-Box-Thinker and also quite creative.

I honestly do not have a problem with telling people who compliment my style, where and how much I bought my clothes, how I did my makeup/weave etc, that's of course if they ask me. BUT what I dont understand is when these certain people do decide to copy without a sense of being different. They copy every thing down to detail and dont think they should add a bit of themselves into it.

Alot of Nigerian gals in London, are guilty of all looking the same. They can not experiment to save their lives and the minute they see something "Tried and Tested" by another, they'll all rush in and try it the exact same way. Why? Like, it's an unspoken rule to be different and divert from the Nigerian norm.

Anyway, decided to hang out with my friend Miss GB and her older sister on Tuesday. I love these girls to bit, Miss GB is a complete joker. But anytime they see me, they keep poking and asking me where I got this, how I did that,etc. Now I really have no problem wth that, I would even take you to the shop if you want me too, but Miss GB and her sisters just dont get it. They see me with one thing, after getting the details of where to get it from, then they start calling me constantly to come over and dress them/do their make up/ hair for them like I did mine. Before I know it, it's deja vu all over again. They are in the exact clothes, same makeup, even down to the same hair style they last saw me in.

Imagine 2weeks ago, while I was at their place, the older sister made me pose for her so she can show my picture to her people, cos she said she tells them about me and she needs to show them my style. But forget that, She called me last week to please help her do her hair like I have mine (ok let me feel small, I have a mad hairstyle I am rocking now and it's so different and fab), sha I have done the hair for her, now Miss GB and her other sister are making appointments for me to follow them to the hair shop to get the right hair and do it for them! Like seriously, me doing the hair is not the point, it's up to them to maintain it, so it's all up to how you treat your hair oh!

Seriously, it's getting annoying.

Hi5 Lo5s

2006-03-10T13:14:00.001Z

Ok, so I am member of the Hi5 craze too, just for the fun of it, I know I am too old for that but what the heck. Anyway, ever since this whole madness started, every party/outing you go to everyone has a camera even the guys, people are snapping away on their digicam. They go out on Saturday, by Monday their Hi5 pages would have been updated, if you did not apply your matrix skills, your face will be there too.

But the thing I find hilarious about the site, is that I get alot of Lo5s (DEFINITION - Guys who send me messages claiming, they love me and want me to call them, all because of my pictures). These guys mail me all their contact numbers, their msn and yahoo id for me to add to my IM. Are they for real?

Checking my email today and I saw I have a message from some Itunnu guy on Hi5. To my surprise, I saw the longest message (which I could not even read, it does not look like it made sense). This is what Itunnu sat and typed to me all because of Hi5 oh! Am I meant to actually reply this?

From: Itunnu To: WonderWoman Subject: To one i love

Dearest,
Glory be to almighty GOD,hope u are felling better?likewise I over here.Infact I really need you and I don't even know where to explain my fellings to you.Anyway I speak with my tongues and of angel ,but have not love I have become sounding bress or a clanging cymbal and though I have all the gift of prophecy and understand all my stories and all knowledge and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountains but have not LOVE am nothing and I bestow all my good to feed the poor and I give my body to be
burned but have not LOVE ,its profits me nothing .LOVE suffers long and is kid,LOVE does not envy,LOVE does parade itself ,its not puffed up ,does not behave rudely,does not seek its own,its not provoked think no evil or records.does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth beal all things believes all things,hope all things endures all things Love never fails.But whether there are prophecies they will fail whether theres knowledge it will vanish away.For we know in part and prophecy in part. But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. so pls reply to
me. stay cool u can send me here[god4real_20042005@yahoo.com] byeeeeeee

Erm, am I meant to actually reply this?

MyGuy, RAFRA

2006-03-09T19:45:00.000Z

Right, done with cooking, the pottage came out really nice even the pepper chicken and gizzard sauce. Do you know that if I say a prayer (silent little prayer oh, nothing major) before I start cooking, with alot of love and a dash of passion, the food comes out really sweet. You see I have a passion for food, I love cooking for people and I love seeing people enjoy my food. I can cook everything from the baddest lasagne to the sweetest yoruba dish one can think of. My Mumma knows this, that's why she has insisted on no one but me to cook whenever I am in her house.
I have my own place, but seeing that I have no job, I figured it's cheaper for me to stay at my Mumma's till I get a job (atleast I can eat as much as I want here and I will also be warm here-I have no money for heating at my place let alone buy food), I think She knows I am using her, so she's using me too.

So back to MyGuy, ButterScotch (obviously I can't use his real name, so I'll call him my fav sweet), a friend of mine tried to hook me up with ButterScotch in 2002 but I wasn't interested after a couple of conversations over the phone. Then summer 2003 at a paticular house party in Neasden, I saw the buffest guy there checking me out, after so many eye flirting, smiles and lip licking he eventually came up to me to ask for my name. We got talking all night and I was very quick to give him my number. Of course He waited 2days before He called me and it turned out His phone number was already stored in my phone, then it became obvious that he was a previous toaster, you see in London, once you get to meet all the guys here, you start again from the very beginning, in my case the new toasters I meet now, they have already approached me before some I can remember exactly when & where, some I cant even remember but then, their number would appear on my phone, I usually do the collecting of numbers from most guys.

Oh yeah ButterScotch, we ended up talking every day and I guess our fondness for each other grew cos all of a sudden he started asking for a much serious relationship. The thing is, as time grew by, I got really scared, scared of a relationship with him, cos I knew it would have been deep and I wasn't ready for that, I know some might think I am not making sense, but I run away from things that will make my heart bleed, I run from love, I run from any situation where I have to trust someone, I run from too much affection from guys, I admit I am a self-confessed Runaway-From-Relationship Addict (RAFRA). I switch off completely when I hear the words 'FOREVER' 'SERIOUS' or even 'FUTURE'. So, even when I meet someone I know I can like alot, the minute he starts talking deep, I start looking for faults from the littlest thing he does/says. Unfortunately ButterScotch came at the wrong time, He came when I wasn't looking for anything serious (as always) and there was no room for love in my plan for that year. I had so many things planned out and I needed to stay focus, so I toughened up and pulled out my extra tough cookie exterior, ButterScotch went nowhere, he was determined to break every shell of mine (that was his fav line), he tried and tried not a crack. He never gave up on me. Then of course I started looking for faults and making excuses with my girls why I don't need him in my life so they can be on my team.

In life no matter how much you try and deny something, your inner gutts always overflow in order to remind you of what you are trying to hide. I need to get offline now, my brother says I should bounce.

No job, MrPastor and MyGuy

2006-03-09T12:26:00.000Z

Lately I find myself waking up really early, it's no big deal right but I have nothing to do, still haven't found a job and honestly, I am fed up. I am fed up of looking for a job. I am fed up with being too qualified or less qualified. I am fed up with people calling me even after I have clearly stated on my resume (CV) and cover letter that I have no prior experience for the position I have applied for but yet these fools, still call to ask questions then at the end of the conversation they tell me, they are sorry but they are looking for a graduate with atleast 3yrs work experience. 3YRS WORK EXPERIENCE? Come on, how is that possible? So basically while studying, they wanted me to be working in an engineering firm too?? Fools! fools!!

Thanks to my parents for the belief they have implanted in me, I now think me having no job is now a spritual thing. I know it's farfetched, but na my parents oh. Growing up back home in Nigeria, my parents were very quick to broaden our horizons with the evil men do, witchcraft et al. They always made it seem like for every bad thing that occurs in one's life, it was down to another bad person's doing. Classic Yoruba parents. So basically, I grew up avoiding relatives/people touching my head, not eating food in some people/realtives' homes, not telling some people certain family things, not telling people when I am travelling etc, you get the gist.

Now, I am beginning to think, me having no job is down to spritual doings all because while I was in Nigeria last year, my Mumma asked me to go see a certain Redeem MrPastor ( my aunt's Pastor). While I was in the MrPastor's office, He started filling my head with all sorts, about people not wanting me to succeed in life, people trying to make life difficult for me, blah, blah, blah. After about what seems like forever into the conversation, He asked me to kneel infront of him, so he can pray for me. I did, He prayed, prayer finished now, na so MrPastor decided to give me a big hug (thinking, is this normal?), the next thing I know, MrPastor was trying to force his skinny, black, disgusting looking tongue down my throat (He has my head on lockdown). Reflex took over, I fought with all my strenght while laughing (it was too funny), MrPastor did not agree, he was grabbing my butt, my arms and even aimed for my big boobs. Eventually, I found strenght from nowhere and pushed him away and I ran, I ran so far and fast, though my house was just next door oh. Imagine man of God, it's bad enough I have alot of questions when it comes to me going to church, then I meet MrPastor. How am I meant to take everything He said seriously? Though some of the things He said did hit home? Should I just scrap his words?

Anyway, MrPastor did say one thing, that for some reason it has refused to leave my mind. He mentioned that I have already met my husband but there are people who are trying to make it difficult for me. Now, this is a feeling I have had even before I saw MrPastor, (ok maybe not my husband). I feel I have met the person I can spend the rest of my life with and MyGuy feels the same, but there are some obstacles, in the shape of his new girlfriend, his bruised ego (courtesy of my tough cookie heart) . It's a long story which I will go into another day, cos I have to go do me Sikirat skills, seeing that it's my older sister's birthday and my Mumma wants me to cook my famous yam & plantain pottage for the house. But yes, thoughts of MyGuy is main reason I wake up early now.

Do Guys still ask Girls out?

2006-03-08T10:38:00.000Z

During my stay in Nigeria last year, I was listening to one of those radio shows where they set a question for the day and make people call in with their views. The question of the day was - WOULD YOU GO-OUT WITH A GUY THAT DOES NOT ASK YOU TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND?

I laughed and thought, what a silly question, obviously that's definately a silly question. I mean, come on, that's so secondary school where you have to get TheQuestion, then if you dont like him, you tell him no there and then, if you like him, you tell him you'll think about it and take days in saying yes - so as to prove you are hard to get.

Story, na so babes started calling.

CALLER 1: I can never go out with a guy who doesn't ask me out. What does he think I am?
CALLER 2: Of course not, he has to ask me to be his girlfriend oh before anything.
CALLER 3: (with a fake american accent) I can't even imagine such. I can not date a guy who does not ask me out oh. He will think I am very cheap!!
CALLER 4: Don't guys always ask girls out? I have never met a guy that hasn't asked me out.

You get the gist. To my amazement, not a single person called to say yes, I would. Every caller found the situation insulting, they thought for them to date a guy without him asking them first will make them come across as cheap (Then again, they might all be lying) cos come on, these were all university girls calling, it was the university radio station I was listening to.

But seriously, if that's really the case, then girls in Nigeria have it easy. Once again in London, girls my age will be priveledged to still get TheQuestion. 80% of my relationships started with us having "something" then after many nagging and 'where's this going?' we moved to "exclusive", till eventually He starts introducing me in public as his girlfriend then I automatically & comfortably elevate myself to TheGirlfriend. Thinking about it now, I am not the only one. Though, I bet there are guys out there who do ask girls out but I usually get the - I want a serious relationship with you/ You need a boyfriend right?- lines.

Shoo, even with all my tough-cookie attitude, I came shamely say (while hiding under my bed), that I have been girlfriend to guys that never asked me out initially, not to forget the "somethings" I have had without TheQuestion, E gba mi o, shio. What has become of me oh? In Nigeria, the girls who grew up there will call me cheap/asawo without battering an eye but in London, my girls would think I have lost it and will abuse me, if I tell them I am waiting for a guy to ask me out first before I drop anything, oh yeah let's not forget I will die fighting while waiting for the guy himself to ask TheQuestion.

I guess it all balls down to the mentallity between a girl who became an adult in London and a typical Nigerian girl in Nigeria.

.......

To bag or not to bag.

2006-03-07T16:17:00.000Z

Here I was yesterday iming/job hunting/ looking for things I would buy if I had the money, when I came across this devil temptation site - as decscribed by Onada.

OMG, the site was amazing, in their own words they promised great pride in offering only authentic designer merchandise at very affordable prices. They offered every designer bags from Louis Vuitton to Chanel, Balenciaga, Fendi, Chloe and even Hermes. They had every new season bag one can think of. Jackpot! I have finally found a way to save money and yet still feed my obsession for bags. I can finally buy my Chanel bag, my very own Chanel bag, actually what am I saying, I can buy 2 Chanel bags at these prices, then I will move to Louis Vuitton and get more Epi leather bags that I have always dreamt of owning in every colour, yipe!!

I mean, I am always sceptical when it comes to buying designer bags online, would rather save and go to the shops. But this website looks so professional, everything is well presented. the colours, the pictures of the bags, FAQs, everything was too mad. I have definately died and gone to BagHeaven. I can see my summer, with all my new designer bags, too spoilt for choice. Which bag to carry? What to wear? What to wear? OMG! OMG!!

Decided to share my new found secret with my dear friend, seeing that we are both trying to solve the million dollar question on how to walk in a billionaire's lane in an average man's shoes. Basically buy designer bags and still survive.

After Onada fell out of Bag Heaven, She thought let's check with Better Business Bureau to check if this people are actually for real......

.... ABRACADABRA! BANG!! Pop goes the Weasel! The rate I fell from BagHeaven, I came back to my senses with few headaches and heart injuries. The result we found was saddening. These people sell FAKE bags and some of their customers have left a comment saying this, but the site administrator did not paste it. They only pasted their positive feedbacks.Why? Mad people, rubbish!

The site: http://www.bergacci.com

I guess if it's really too good to be true, then it really is not true.

Ciao

Girls gone WILD!!

2006-03-03T14:20:00.000Z

There are so many things we are experiencing now that might seem new to us but if we take a minute and ask questions, we would discover it's an era that has always been there and we are the ones new to it.

Here I was on friday doing my friend, Miss K's hair, when we started updating each other with other people's gist i.e gossiping. It was the regular guy this, girl that until she got to our friend, Desperado 1. Now Desperado 1 is a very nice girl, met her summer 2004 and she's quick to tell you whatever is going on in her life. She's about 24+yrs old but hangs around weak-minded girls who've had/keep having so many bad experiences when it comes to men.

Desperado 1 (D1) has been dating DaddyPimp for 5yrs now and He decided to buy an apartment for both of them to live in, I guess He believed their relationship was heading for great things. To cut a long story short, they are in love and are moving in together BUT, as things usually happen in real life, D1 recieved a random call from Desperado 2.

Desperado 2: Hello, I guess this is D1?
D1: Yes, who's this?
Desperado 2: Well, you dont know me, but I believe we have something in common that will interest you.
D1: I see, so what do you want from me?
Desperado 2: Well, my name is Desperado 2, I don't really do this but can we please meet up, say tomorrow? Look, it really is for your own good. It's about DaddyPimp.
D1: Is this a joke? Cos I dont have time for rubbish. When do you want to meet and where?

Eventually, D1 agreed and they ended up meeting at Macdonalds in North London. Only for Desperado 2 to tell D1;

Desperado 2: You see, I heard that you and DaddyPimp have been dating for 5yrs now but I wanted to tell you in person that, me and him have been dating for 3yrs too. Now about the house DaddyPimp's buying, it's for me and him. Actually, I really do not have a problem with you, I just thought I should tell you, I have invested 3yrs in this relationship and I am going nowhere. So I suggest you (D1) best start getting use to me.

To cut a long story short again, here's the twist I find disturbing, Desperado 1, Desperado 2 and DaddyPimp all moved in together, into their new one bed apartment. Imagine, this is not marriage I am talking about oh, or engagement, infact DaddyPimp is not talking about marriage to anyone of them. My dear friend, D1, now belittled herself, moving in, doing what's "right" (as advised by her friends and her inner-self). Saddest thing was DaddyPimp now resulted to abusing, physically and mentally, both Desperados on regular intervals. Meanwhile, both Desperados will be fighting each other about who's cooking for DaddyPimp, who's getting more attention, who's sleeping with him (pls bear in mind that they all sleep on the same bed).

At the end of the day, I really can't say much, cos believe me, things like this go on everyday, it can happen to anyone. Fair enough one is responsible for one's life but come on, even if you know, you can fall for guys like this or are weak-minded, surround yourself with strong-minded characters, they will eventually pull you back to reality. I mean, D1's best friend is a certified stalker by profession in London, so clearly things like this is normal to her, left to her, she'll even move into the apartment as well to support her friend.

After spending a yr in the apartment with all the drama, D1, has finally found the courage and moved back in with her mum and is ready to tell anyone her experience. as for Desperado 2, she is still there. By the way, apart from DaddyPimp, who's in his 30s, both girls are under 25.

But really is any man worth this? Is this love? Is this fighting for something you believe in? Should we always follow our heart when it comes to men?

March, still no job

2006-03-01T13:18:00.000Z

It's March already, so much for being positive and confident about getting a job by March. If I start thinking about it again, I will just be more depressed, I mean if I calculate how much I could have earned and saved, oh well I thank God for little mercies. But I swear I was raised to believe that, the more educated (learning experiences) one gets, the better and easier your chances are of succeeding, still waiting to prove that theory.

I have been so emotional this week, like if I see someone crying on tv, I'll start crying too. Not to forget my moodiness, yelling at everyone, then crying. I really dont know if it is the Low-carb diet I am on, oh well, God dey.

Anyways, Luga is back from Nigeria. Luga is a special friend of mine. We met in 1999/2000, obviously his intentions was not friendship. Actually, his cousin Ade, was the person who introduced us. Funny story actually, Ade promised my flatmate, Funmi, that He will hook her up with his cousin Luga. They exchanged numbers, started talking everyday but never met. Come the day Luga met Funmi, he met me too and let's just say he stopped calling Funmi and started showing interest in lil' old moi.

Since then, we have been really close friends. I must tell you I have 2 bad habits, apart from my love for expensive designer bags and shoes, I can also play tough/hard for Africa and Europe together, consciously and subconsciously, I take being "hard" too far, (some people think it's fronting) I know shame on me. So clearly, when Luga tried I fronted, He chilled for a while, then decided to cut himself out of my life, why? dont know. Sha, He left, got himself a babe, but 2years later he left her and bang, we are friends again.

Now, Luga is the type of people I feel the need to slap everytime ( and I am not an aggressive person). The boy lives in Knightsbridge ( one of the most expensive place in the uk), it is his father's crib oh, that's to tell you that they are very loaded. But lo and behold, my guy decides to be the black sheep of the famiy, he has cut himself off from his father, all because He doesnt want his father to control him, blah, blah, blah, like seriously dude you were born with a platinum spoon encrusted with pink, black and yellow diamonds, please accept your fate, please. To make matters worse, He now decides to live his life on the fast lane, he knows so much about christianity but yet he doesnt believe in it, cos he has too many unanswered questions, he has a motor bike, though I actually find that quite sexy and yes I have been on it once, it was amazing. Apart from all that he is still one of my close friends, but we still fight alot cos he believes He tells me everything about his life and I dont tell him that much about mine.

Anyway, my guy is back from Nigeria and now He is on a completely different chapter from me. All of a sudden He is seriously and constantly talking about us getting married, him meeting his mother-in-law (my mumma) etc. Ps- my guy is moving back finally to Nigeria in summer. I am convinced now, that He must have been sent back to London to find a bride. Pyscho!!

xxx

Keeping Your Priorities

2006-02-24T19:35:00.000Z

Going through my old journals last night and I came across this article. Now honestly, I do not think I wrote it, seems like I copied it off somewhere or I read and wrote it out in my own words cos I swear I am not that smart. Anyways, decided to add it on here.

Keeping Your Priorities

The purpose of God in your life must be continually submitted and guarded! What does that mean:

Stay Flexible: Things constantly change; so do ways of getting things done. So to fulfil your God-given priorities you must stay flexible.
Plan your time carefully: To be effective, it is a good idea to plan your day. Only one in 3 people do. A famous businessman said, "it is a rare day that I get up in the morning wondering what I will be doing that day." Can you say that?
Follow your plan: Most of us do not get to our most important tasks until mid-afternoon. We tend to do the unimportant stuff first, so that we'll have a sense of accomplishment. That's not a winning formula. Do the important things first. If you plan your day but don't follow the plan, your results will be the same as someone who never had a plan in the first place. Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.
Involve other people whenever possible: People fall into two categories: CLINGERS or DUMPERS. Clingers refuse to let go of anything they think important, whether they are the best person to do it or not. Their goal is perfection. Dumpers, on the other hand, are quick to get rid of the things they do not fancy doing. Their goal is to get things out of their hair. Involving other people means being wise and generous - not getting people to do your dirty work. It also means that the job gets done right. And isnt that what you want?

xxx

Thanks, But No Thank You

2006-02-23T12:48:00.000Z

So, once again I am on MSN chatting/job hunting/looking at the things I would buy if I had money, when my friend, DangerMouse came online.

DangerMouse, is the son of one of the famous billionares in Nigeria. I met him Summer 2003 while I was in Nigeria. After so many tempting gifts including money and first-class tickets to Nigeria not to forget the baby I love you, it became clear to him that we can only be friends and that's about it. He is yet to finish university, cos he keeps stopping or getting 'cut-off' by his father, basically as his name suggests, he is danger - he is a rebel, in the words of his father. Ps- DangerMouse is barely 24 and he has a 4yr daughter. Word on the streets is that He's into governors for business, as in, he's literally into them. He changes his car every month, just for the fun of it, please note that this dude does not collect money from his parents again, as he wants to prove to his billionare father that he can make it on his own.

Anyway, he came online and we started chatting as usual. DangerMouse wanted to know how my job hunting was going etc. First he offered to give me a plane ticket to Nigeria to come and de-stress, once again I declined the tempting offer - I mean afterall I can go to Nigeria for 2weeks since I have nothing to do here, right? - sha, back to reality! Then from nowhere, DangerMouse decided to advise me, the next thing I was reading, literally knocked me off my feet and got me wondering.

Like most of my friends, DangerMouse made a suggestion, in his words, he asked me - "Have you thought about runs? Atleast you will be able to maintain your lifestyle while you are looking for a job". I was stunned, cos clearly I knew quite well what he was talking about. Runs aka 419 aka "freelancing" aka other people's money Analyst.

This is an ongoing issue, that slowly but surely it is becoming acceptable here in London and also Nigeria amongst Nigerians. I mean, there are so many guys and girls that I know of, that practice this act and even believe it is now a legal way of making money. In London, we have so many people from high class families, people who want to be respected by how much money they have and how many flashy things they can buy in a month, who practice the Runs Lifestyle. It has become a game, the less priveledged do it in order to compete/be on the same level as the Rich and the Rich do it so as to be higher!

But in this day and age, knowing/ snopping around to see if the guy you are dating is a 419 star is becoming the norm, like so what if he does?!?

Honestly, I do not have a problem with it, ONLY when these people start acting like, they have reached a level of achievement in life because of all the things they have falsely acquired.

Last summer, I met a friend of mine, Baba, we went to the same secondary school in Nigeria. Baba does not mingle with my crowd, so I was quite shocked to see him at the party. After the party was over, Baba left the club quite early, only for me to get to the front of the club and see him sitting on his ride. WHAT THE HECK? HOW? WHEN? WHY? Please bear in mind oh, that Baba is a 419 top dawg, he's their King, that 'they' all look up to. Back to his car, it was a Charcoal Black 2005 Bentley Continental GT, A BENTLEY WITH A PERSONALISED REG - HIS NAME.

Clearly, Baba has taken things too far, as in come on, my neighbour has this car in the garage and he is a footballer who makes more than £40,000+ a month.

As for Baba, he is now in prison, living another chapter of his fast life.
As for DangerMouse, thanks dear, but no thank you.

xxx

Pigeon-Little.

2006-02-21T22:05:00.000Z

Hiya,

Thank God for today. Had a nasty argument with my Mumma, after all my Sikirat skills, she called me lazy, why? All because a silly-pigeon-little decided to do its du-du on the kitchen's outside window on Sunday. Imagine! Like One gets paid enough £0 to clean pigeon shit off a window in the cold.

Basically, my Mumma decided to do one of her routine-checks this morning. Evidentally, when She stepped into the kitchen She was greeted by the infamous du-du on the outside window (that's to show you how often she enters the kitchen). She flipped, stormed into my room and woke me up at 11am, 11am oh, tell me how many jobless people do you know see that time of the day? Thank you.

Mumma went on and on and honestly when she starts, She wont be finished till 2007. She said I am lazy and all I do is cook (atleast She acknowledges the fact that I cook for the house), I never do this, I never do that and I never clean the door and windows, now come on WHO CLEANS THE DOORS AND WINDOWS?!? Come to think about it, I have not seen the window cleaner for days now and knowing my Mumma, She is still paying him, so technically who was She meant to discuss the issue of the window with this morning?
It really is not her fault cos if not for pigeon-little who decided to du-dufy the outside window and the window-cleaner who gets paid for "cleaning" windows who's gone AWOL, I wont be called lazy today. As for pigeon-little, I hope it flies to Nigeria, catch Bird flu and £&*%£$%.

Anyways, the drama left me in a moody state and I did not even get to chat to FOG - my msn lover, whom of course i will tell you about soon, it is a serious affair, i am talking set the alarm to wake me up, so I can chat to him serious. PS- We are not even dating ohhhh.

Decided to go to ChinaWhites ( a club) with my sister tonight and dance away my sorrows and get chatted up, I swear I need the hype and possibly lies. Seeing that i do not meet people by staying indoors all week and month.
So, off to ChinaWhites I go, tell me, jobless D, who goes clubbing on a Tuesday apart from students?

Ciao

Onada, Moi and My Mumma

2006-02-20T16:37:00.000Z

Hiya,

So after many dreams of starting a blog, I finally started it today. I must say, it so was not easy but after a recent mind block and constantly disturbing Onada, who is meant to be at work.... WORKING!! She "brilliantly" came up with the title of this blog.

Onada is my longest friend till date (almost 15+ yrs). Though initially we were not that close, but after many cycling shorts, body suits, hipsters, platform shoes, Metallic blue nail varnish and now the Chloes, Guccis and Chanels, I have grown to love every bit of her, bless her. She is such an inspiration in my life, everything she wants she gets and I am not even joking. She is one of those people who subconsciously believe in making an impact in this world. She literally pushes me to be everything I can be, which brings me to my next topic, Me. I am a recent grauate, Engineer to be precise, but I HAVE NO JOB!! To be honest I really do not see myself working for anyone again, so instead each day;

I mentally apply for jobs, i.e I think about applying.
End up on msn chatting to Onada, who is at a good job, Dubs, who is a doing her Masters and receiving £3000 mthly scholarship, which does not include her rent oh! Just money to spend.
Not to forget K, who has decided to move back to Nigeria, for Law sch and is looking to sell her London house, which by the way She bought it with her own cash.
And every other friend of mine who is at work.

My new lifestyle is amazing, I sleep whenever and wake up whenever but the down-side is no more designer handbags or expensive unplanned shopping spree for now, as one does not get that much money when one watches Tyra, That's so Raven and Oprah all day. Actually, what am I saying, there are loads of down-sides, my Mumma (mum) for instance now believes since She has invested so much money in my education and I 'claim ' I am still job hunting, has decided to make me her new Sikiratu - the house help, as in the woman sends me anywhere, makes me do everything for her, She even called, i mean yelled, my name just to tell me She can not find her tv remote control and she needs me to please change the channel for her. Yep! that's my new life. Not to forget cooking, cleaning and everything jobless people do!

Sha, I have to go now, my Mumma wants me to make amala (brown eba as my little cousin calls it) for her, yet when I ask her for £1, just £1 oh, She will give me the longest lecture on how I never listen to her when She tells me She is "broke" this week. Ps - She tells me this every week, about how She has no money for this, no money for that, et al. That's life.

Also, I really need to physically apply for atleast 2 jobs before today is over.

Ciao